i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
