Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
