Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
