All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
