his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
