think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
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we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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