My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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