I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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