He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
