Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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