I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
