Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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