I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
