took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
