Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
