Porn is love you can see.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
