Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have aggressive nipples.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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