I have demons in me.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
