Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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