you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Vodka?
Forever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
