you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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