just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
