So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
