He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
