Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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