When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
