I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
