our cab driver is having phone sex.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
