I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
