you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
