this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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