giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
