Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
