so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
