Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
