Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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