I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
