I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
