So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
