if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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