Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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