i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He's on the porch naked. Help.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
