Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
