I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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