Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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