If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
