Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
