I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
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Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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