she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
