I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
