oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
