Where did you get a picture of my penis
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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