she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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