meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
