I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
