do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
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She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
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SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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