So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
