I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
