Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
