so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
