how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
