Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
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I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
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I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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