in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
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