I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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