This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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