It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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